Geek Fortunes: May 2011

Tuesday, May 31, 2011

BOFH excuse #275: Bit rot

BOFH excuse #250: Program load too heavy for processor to lift.

Debian Hint #10: There are Debian mailing lists for everything from user questions to debates over what to put into the Debian Policy documents. Check out the list at http://www.debian.org/MailingLists/ and subscribe to those that interest you.

Debian Hint #10: There are Debian mailing lists for everything from user questions to debates over what to put into the Debian Policy documents. Check out the list at http://www.debian.org/MailingLists/ and subscribe to those that interest you.

BOFH excuse #39: terrorist activities

BOFH excuse #402: Secretary sent chain letter to all 5000 employees.

Debian Hint #13: If you don't like the default options used in a Debian package, you can download the source and build a version which uses the options you prefer. See http://www.debian.org/doc/FAQ/ch-pkg_basics.html (sections 6.13 and 6.14) for more information. However, bear in mind that most options in most packages can be configured at runtime, and do not require recompiling the package.

Debian Hint #13: If you don't like the default options used in a Debian package, you can download the source and build a version which uses the options you prefer. See http://www.debian.org/doc/FAQ/ch-pkg_basics.html (sections 6.13 and 6.14) for more information. However, bear in mind that most options in most packages can be configured at runtime, and do not require recompiling the package.

BOFH excuse #34: (l)user error

Use "iftop" to monitor current network activity connections per host.

Today is Boomtime, the 6th day of Confusion in the YOLD 3177

BOFH excuse #255: Standing room only on the bus.

Debian Hint #6: There is no hint #6. Submit a hint today !

Debian Hint #31: Disabling a normally-active service in a specific runlevel should be done by changing the S link in /etc/rc.d to a K link, rather than removing the link entirely; if all links are removed, the system will assume on the next install that they need to be replaced.

Debian Hint #31: Disabling a normally-active service in a specific runlevel should be done by changing the S link in /etc/rc<level>.d to a K link, rather than removing the link entirely; if all links are removed, the system will assume on the next install that they need to be replaced.

BOFH excuse #235: The new frame relay network hasn't bedded down the software loop transmitter yet.

Debian Hint #6: There is no hint #6. Submit a hint today !

If you need to perform a command a second time on a different file, you can use command replacement with the ^ symbol. e.g. "cp foo.txt /to/some/directory" then "^foo^bar", expanding to: "cp bar.txt /to/some/directory".

If you need to perform a command a second time on a different file, you can use command replacement with the ^ symbol. e.g. "cp foo.txt /to/some/directory" then "^foo^bar", expanding to: "cp bar.txt /to/some/directory".

BOFH excuse #76: Unoptimized hard drive

BOFH excuse #224: Jan 9 16:41:27 huber su: 'su root' succeeded for .... on /dev/pts/1

BOFH excuse #274: It was OK before you touched it.

Debian Hint #19: If you're interested in building packages from source, you should consider installing the apt-src package.

BOFH excuse #96: Vendor no longer supports the product

BOFH excuse #224: Jan 9 16:41:27 huber su: 'su root' succeeded for .... on /dev/pts/1

BOFH excuse #38: secretary plugged hairdryer into UPS

You can use the text-based web browser w3m to browse the Internet in your console screen. e.g 'w3m http://ubuntu.com'

BOFH excuse #291: Due to the CDA, we no longer have a root account.

BOFH excuse #166: /pub/lunch

Monday, May 30, 2011

BOFH excuse #18: excess surge protection

Debian Hint #42: If you install the command-not-found package, attempting to run a command you don't have installed will tell you what package to install to obtain that command.

BOFH excuse #451: astropneumatic oscillations in the water-cooling

BOFH excuse #4: static from nylon underwear

BOFH excuse #37: heavy gravity fluctuation, move computer to floor rapidly

BOFH excuse #380: Operators killed when huge stack of backup tapes fell over.

BOFH excuse #93: Feature not yet implemented

BOFH excuse #118: the router thinks its a printer.

Use "top" to get a view of your server's performance such as processor, memory and swap utilisation and see a rolling display of the top cpu using processes.

BOFH excuse #65: system needs to be rebooted

BOFH excuse #55: Plumber mistook routing panel for decorative wall fixture

BOFH excuse #46: waste water tank overflowed onto computer

BOFH excuse #62: need to wrap system in aluminum foil to fix problem

BOFH excuse #65: system needs to be rebooted

BOFH excuse #365: parallel processors running perpendicular today

BOFH excuse #63: not properly grounded, please bury computer

BOFH excuse #386: The Internet is being scanned for viruses.

BOFH excuse #267: The UPS is on strike.

BOFH excuse #403: Sysadmin didn't hear pager go off due to loud music from bar-room speakers.

Debian Hint #4: You can see the available and installed versions for one or more available packages with the command 'apt-cache policy '.

Debian Hint #4: You can see the available and installed versions for one or more available packages with the command 'apt-cache policy <packages>'.

BOFH excuse #76: Unoptimized hard drive

BOFH excuse #294: PCMCIA slave driver

BOFH excuse #65: system needs to be rebooted

If you want to download a file from a URL via the console, you can use the command 'wget http://address/to/file.tar'

Sunday, May 29, 2011

BOFH excuse #27: radiosity depletion

BOFH excuse #204: Just pick up the phone and give modem connect sounds. "Well you said we should get more lines so we don't have voice lines."

BOFH excuse #46: waste water tank overflowed onto computer

BOFH excuse #320: You've been infected by the Telescoping Hubble virus.

Debian Hint #6: There is no hint #6. Submit a hint today !

BOFH excuse #430: Mouse has out-of-cheese-error

BOFH excuse #365: parallel processors running perpendicular today

BOFH excuse #185: system consumed all the paper for paging

BOFH excuse #363: Out of cards on drive D:

Today is Setting Orange, the 4th day of Confusion in the YOLD 3177

'etckeeper' allows you to save changes you make to /etc in a bazaar repository. Useful to track and revert changes. http://tinyurl.com/etckeeper

BOFH excuse #64: CPU needs recalibration

BOFH excuse #447: According to Microsoft, it's by design

BOFH excuse #351: PEBKAC (Problem Exists Between Keyboard And Chair)

BOFH excuse #12: dry joints on cable plug

BOFH excuse #345: Having to manually track the satellite.

BOFH excuse #433: error: one bad user found in front of screen

BOFH excuse #212: Of course it doesn't work. We've performed a software upgrade.

BOFH excuse #270: Someone has messed up the kernel pointers

BOFH excuse #368: Failure to adjust for daylight savings time.

BOFH excuse #124: user to computer ration too low.

BOFH excuse #412: Radial Telemetry Infiltration

To make a backup without typing the full path twice: 'cp /long/path/to/file/name{,.orig}' to create a copy with the suffix .orig

The Ubuntu Server Team is an open community always looking for feedback and help: https://launchpad.net/~ubuntu-server

Use "top" to get a view of your server's performance such as processor, memory and swap utilisation and see a rolling display of the top cpu using processes.

Saturday, May 28, 2011

BOFH excuse #199: the curls in your keyboard cord are losing electricity.

BOFH excuse #124: user to computer ration too low.

BOFH excuse #103: operators on strike due to broken coffee machine

BOFH excuse #53: Little hamster in running wheel had coronary; waiting for replacement to be Fedexed from Wyoming

BOFH excuse #218: The UPS doesn't have a battery backup.

You can use the text-based web browser w3m to browse the Internet in your console screen. e.g 'w3m http://ubuntu.com'

BOFH excuse #64: CPU needs recalibration

BOFH excuse #341: HTTPD Error 666 : BOFH was here

BOFH excuse #104: backup tape overwritten with copy of system manager's favourite CD

Today is Prickle-Prickle, the 3rd day of Confusion in the YOLD 3177

BOFH excuse #185: system consumed all the paper for paging

BOFH excuse #357: I'd love to help you -- it's just that the Boss won't let me near the computer.

BOFH excuse #298: Not enough interrupts

BOFH excuse #106: The electrician didn't know what the yellow cable was so he yanked the ethernet out.

BOFH excuse #437: crop circles in the corn shell

BOFH excuse #233: TCP/IP UDP alarm threshold is set too low.

BOFH excuse #235: The new frame relay network hasn't bedded down the software loop transmitter yet.

Want to run your own cloud infrastructure in your enterprise? Ubuntu Enterprise Cloud powered by Eucalyptus has what you need: http://www.ubuntu.com/cloud

BOFH excuse #126: it has Intel Inside

BOFH excuse #152: My pony-tail hit the on/off switch on the power strip.

BOFH excuse #258: That's easy to fix, but I can't be bothered.

BOFH excuse #305: IRQ-problems with the Un-Interruptible-Power-Supply

BOFH excuse #12: dry joints on cable plug

BOFH excuse #334: 50% of the manual is in .pdf readme files

BOFH excuse #345: Having to manually track the satellite.

Friday, May 27, 2011

BOFH excuse #82: Yeah, yo mama dresses you funny and you need a mouse to delete files.

BOFH excuse #407: Route flapping at the NAP.

BOFH excuse #375: Root name servers corrupted.

BOFH excuse #261: The Usenet news is out of date

BOFH excuse #87: Password is too complex to decrypt

BOFH excuse #244: Your cat tried to eat the mouse.

Debian Hint #21: If your Debian box is behind a slow network connection, but you have access to a fast one as well, check out the apt-zip package.

BOFH excuse #182: endothermal recalibration

Today is Pungenday, the 2nd day of Confusion in the YOLD 3177

BOFH excuse #67: descramble code needed from software company

BOFH excuse #8: static buildup

BOFH excuse #321: Scheduled global CPU outage

BOFH excuse #58: high pressure system failure

BOFH excuse #301: appears to be a Slow/Narrow SCSI-0 Interface problem

BOFH excuse #275: Bit rot

BOFH excuse #83: Support staff hung over, send aspirin and come back LATER.

BOFH excuse #279: The static electricity routing is acting up...

BOFH excuse #157: Incorrect time synchronization

BOFH excuse #451: astropneumatic oscillations in the water-cooling

BOFH excuse #453: Spider infestation in warm case parts

BOFH excuse #352: The cables are not the same length.

If you are using a PostgreSQL database, use "ptop" to monitor real time usage.

BOFH excuse #424: operation failed because: there is no message for this error (#1014)

BOFH excuse #355: Boredom in the Kernel.

BOFH excuse #331: those damn raccoons!

Thursday, May 26, 2011

BOFH excuse #94: Internet outage

BOFH excuse #361: Communist revolutionaries taking over the server room and demanding all the computers in the building or they shoot the sysadmin. Poor misguided fools.

BOFH excuse #182: endothermal recalibration

BOFH excuse #388: Bad user karma.

BOFH excuse #336: the xy axis in the trackball is coordinated with the summer solstice

Use 'dpkg --get-selections > selections.txt' to save a selection and 'dpkg --set-selections < selections.txt && apt-get dselect-upgrade' to restore.

BOFH excuse #3: electromagnetic radiation from satellite debris

BOFH excuse #109: The electricity substation in the car park blew up.

BOFH excuse #185: system consumed all the paper for paging

Today is Boomtime, the 1st day of Confusion in the YOLD 3177

BOFH excuse #198: Post-it Note Sludge leaked into the monitor.

Two packages are recommended to perform backups of your clients and servers in ubuntu: 'backuppc' and 'bacula'.

BOFH excuse #296: The hardware bus needs a new token.

BOFH excuse #394: Jupiter is aligned with Mars.

BOFH excuse #268: Neutrino overload on the nameserver

Debian Hint #5: If you need to build a custom kernel, use the 'make-kpkg' script found in the kernel-package package.

The Ubuntu Server Team is an open community always looking for feedback and help: https://launchpad.net/~ubuntu-server

BOFH excuse #120: we just switched to FDDI.

BOFH excuse #165: Backbone Scoliosis

BOFH excuse #379: We've picked COBOL as the language of choice.

BOFH excuse #135: You put the disk in upside down.

BOFH excuse #405: Sysadmins unavailable because they are in a meeting talking about why they are unavailable so much.

BOFH excuse #248: Too much radiation coming from the soil.

BOFH excuse #416: We're out of slots on the server

BOFH excuse #77: Typo in the code

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

If you executed a command and neglected to use sudo, you can execute "sudo !!" to re-execute the previous command with sudo prepended.

BOFH excuse #345: Having to manually track the satellite.

BOFH excuse #392: It's union rules. There's nothing we can do about it. Sorry.

BOFH excuse #417: Computer room being moved. Our systems are down for the weekend.

BOFH excuse #195: We only support a 28000 bps connection.

BOFH excuse #220: Someone thought The Big Red Button was a light switch.

BOFH excuse #131: telnet: Unable to connect to remote host: Connection refused

BOFH excuse #439: Hot Java has gone cold

BOFH excuse #274: It was OK before you touched it.

Today is Sweetmorn, the 73rd day of Discord in the YOLD 3177

BOFH excuse #436: Daemon escaped from pentagram

BOFH excuse #431: Borg implants are failing

BOFH excuse #157: Incorrect time synchronization

BOFH excuse #111: The salesman drove over the CPU board.

Debian Hint #23: If your system is using too much disk space, try the deborphan package; it can offer suggestions about which packages may be unused and removable. And, of course, don't forget to clean out the APT cache area (using 'apt-get clean', 'aptitude clean', or aptitude's Action -> Clean package cache menu item).

Debian Hint #23: If your system is using too much disk space, try the deborphan package; it can offer suggestions about which packages may be unused and removable. And, of course, don't forget to clean out the APT cache area (using 'apt-get clean', 'aptitude clean', or aptitude's Action -> Clean package cache menu item).

BOFH excuse #291: Due to the CDA, we no longer have a root account.

BOFH excuse #305: IRQ-problems with the Un-Interruptible-Power-Supply

BOFH excuse #248: Too much radiation coming from the soil.

BOFH excuse #343: The ATM board has run out of 10 pound notes. We are having a whip round to refill it, care to contribute ?

BOFH excuse #331: those damn raccoons!

BOFH excuse #379: We've picked COBOL as the language of choice.

BOFH excuse #295: The Token fell out of the ring. Call us when you find it.

BOFH excuse #192: runaway cat on system.

BOFH excuse #181: Atilla the Hub

BOFH excuse #235: The new frame relay network hasn't bedded down the software loop transmitter yet.

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

BOFH excuse #227: Fatal error right in front of screen

BOFH excuse #91: Mouse chewed through power cable

BOFH excuse #140: LBNC (luser brain not connected)

BOFH excuse #259: Someone's tie is caught in the printer, and if anything else gets printed, he'll be in it too.

BOFH excuse #344: Network failure - call NBC

BOFH excuse #364: Sand fleas eating the Internet cables

BOFH excuse #431: Borg implants are failing

To manage Apache modules use "a2enmod" to enable and "a2dismod" to disable. e.g. 'sudo a2enmod rewrite'

BOFH excuse #43: boss forgot system password

Today is Setting Orange, the 72nd day of Discord in the YOLD 3177

BOFH excuse #108: The air conditioning water supply pipe ruptured over the machine room

BOFH excuse #96: Vendor no longer supports the product

BOFH excuse #74: You're out of memory

BOFH excuse #104: backup tape overwritten with copy of system manager's favourite CD

Debian Hint #1: You can report a bug in a package with the 'reportbug' command, which is available in the reportbug package, or by using the graphical frontend 'reportbug-ng'.

Save time starting to type a command or file name, then press tab to complete Hit tab twice to bring up multiple completion options.

BOFH excuse #384: it's an ID-10-T error

BOFH excuse #370: Virus due to computers having unsafe sex.

BOFH excuse #242: Software uses US measurements, but the OS is in metric...

BOFH excuse #58: high pressure system failure

BOFH excuse #229: wrong polarity of neutron flow

BOFH excuse #271: The kernel license has expired

BOFH excuse #445: Browser's cookie is corrupted -- someone's been nibbling on it.

BOFH excuse #26: first Saturday after first full moon in Winter

BOFH excuse #296: The hardware bus needs a new token.

Monday, May 23, 2011

BOFH excuse #60: system has been recalled

Debian Hint #29: Keep your system clock accurate - install the 'ntpdate' package and configure it to set the time at startup. In addition, machines which are turned on most or all of the time should have the 'ntp' package installed to keep the time accurate in between reboots.

Debian Hint #29: Keep your system clock accurate - install the 'ntpdate' package and configure it to set the time at startup. In addition, machines which are turned on most or all of the time should have the 'ntp' package installed to keep the time accurate in between reboots.

Debian Hint #16: If you're searching for a particular file, but don't know which package it belongs to, try installing 'apt-file', which maintains a small database of this information, or search the contents of the Debian Packages database, which can be done at: http://www.debian.org/distrib/packages#search_contents

Debian Hint #16: If you're searching for a particular file, but don't know which package it belongs to, try installing 'apt-file', which maintains a small database of this information, or search the contents of the Debian Packages database, which can be done at: http://www.debian.org/distrib/packages#search_contents

BOFH excuse #451: astropneumatic oscillations in the water-cooling

BOFH excuse #208: Your mail is being routed through Germany ... and they're censoring us.

BOFH excuse #27: radiosity depletion

BOFH excuse #270: Someone has messed up the kernel pointers

BOFH excuse #387: Your computer's union contract is set to expire at midnight.

Today is Prickle-Prickle, the 71st day of Discord in the YOLD 3177

BOFH excuse #243: The computer fleetly, mouse and all.

BOFH excuse #120: we just switched to FDDI.

BOFH excuse #173: Recursive traversal of loopback mount points

BOFH excuse #357: I'd love to help you -- it's just that the Boss won't let me near the computer.

The column allows you to format output neatly. ex: 'mount | column -t' will reformat mount's messy output. See 'man column' for more info.

BOFH excuse #105: UPS interrupted the server's power

BOFH excuse #174: Backbone adjustment

BOFH excuse #203: Write-only-memory subsystem too slow for this machine. Contact your local dealer.

BOFH excuse #25: Decreasing electron flux

BOFH excuse #327: The POP server is out of Coke

BOFH excuse #392: It's union rules. There's nothing we can do about it. Sorry.

BOFH excuse #36: dynamic software linking table corrupted

BOFH excuse #435: Internet shut down due to maintenance

BOFH excuse #258: That's easy to fix, but I can't be bothered.

BOFH excuse #105: UPS interrupted the server's power

BOFH excuse #90: Budget cuts

Sunday, May 22, 2011

BOFH excuse #229: wrong polarity of neutron flow

BOFH excuse #238: You did wha... oh _dear_....

BOFH excuse #176: vapors from evaporating sticky-note adhesives

BOFH excuse #115: your keyboard's space bar is generating spurious keycodes.

Debian Hint #5: If you need to build a custom kernel, use the 'make-kpkg' script found in the kernel-package package.

Debian Hint #15: The documentation for a package can normally be found under /usr/share/doc/. In particular, the README.Debian file often has useful information about Debian-specific quirks or tips.

Debian Hint #15: The documentation for a package can normally be found under /usr/share/doc/<package>. In particular, the README.Debian file often has useful information about Debian-specific quirks or tips.

Use "tail -f /var/log/some.log" to see new lines added to a log instantly in real time. Ideal from watching webserver requests as they happen.

BOFH excuse #246: It must have been the lightning storm we had (yesterday) (last week) (last month)

Today is Pungenday, the 70th day of Discord in the YOLD 3177

BOFH excuse #424: operation failed because: there is no message for this error (#1014)

BOFH excuse #435: Internet shut down due to maintenance

The powernap package allows you to suspend servers which are not being used, and save energy. https://launchpad.net/powernap

You can change your hostname by editing the file /etc/hostname.

BOFH excuse #243: The computer fleetly, mouse and all.

BOFH excuse #111: The salesman drove over the CPU board.

BOFH excuse #221: The mainframe needs to rest. It's getting old, you know.

BOFH excuse #435: Internet shut down due to maintenance

BOFH excuse #26: first Saturday after first full moon in Winter

BOFH excuse #303: fractal radiation jamming the backbone

Debian Hint #14: If you would like to follow things happening to a package (for example, if you want to see bug reports, release notices, and other similar things), consider subscribing to it on the Package Tracking System. You can find out more about the PTS at: http://www.debian.org/doc/manuals/developers-reference/ch-resources.en.html (Section 4.10)

Debian Hint #14: If you would like to follow things happening to a package (for example, if you want to see bug reports, release notices, and other similar things), consider subscribing to it on the Package Tracking System. You can find out more about the PTS at: http://www.debian.org/doc/manuals/developers-reference/ch-resources.en.html (Section 4.10)

BOFH excuse #453: Spider infestation in warm case parts

Debian Hint #6: There is no hint #6. Submit a hint today !

Use lsof to find out which process has open handles for a file. 'lsof +D /path' will find all processes for the given path. This is useful for unmounting media.

BOFH excuse #367: Webmasters kidnapped by evil cult.

BOFH excuse #278: The Dilithium Crystals need to be rotated.

Saturday, May 21, 2011

BOFH excuse #99: SIMM crosstalk.

BOFH excuse #292: We ran out of dial tone and we're and waiting for the phone company to deliver another bottle.

BOFH excuse #356: the daemons! the daemons! the terrible daemons!

BOFH excuse #136: Daemons loose in system.

BOFH excuse #289: Interference between the keyboard and the chair.

Debian Hint #11: Keep up to date on what's going on - read the Debian Times. Read it on the web at http://times.debian.net/

BOFH excuse #294: PCMCIA slave driver

To restrict ssh logins to certain commands, have a look at the ForceCommand directive (see "man sshd_config").

Today is Boomtime, the 69th day of Discord in the YOLD 3177

BOFH excuse #278: The Dilithium Crystals need to be rotated.

BOFH excuse #202: kernel panic: write-only-memory (/dev/wom0) capacity exceeded.

BOFH excuse #446: Mailer-daemon is busy burning your message in hell.

BOFH excuse #302: microelectronic Riemannian curved-space fault in write-only file system

BOFH excuse #195: We only support a 28000 bps connection.

BOFH excuse #16: somebody was calculating pi on the server

For a lightweight VPN alternative, have a look at ssh + netcat-openbsd for SOCKS proxy support.

BOFH excuse #397: T-1's congested due to porn traffic to the news server.

If you need to perform a command a second time on a different file, you can use command replacement with the ^ symbol. e.g. "cp foo.txt /to/some/directory" then "^foo^bar", expanding to: "cp bar.txt /to/some/directory".

BOFH excuse #79: Look, buddy: Windows 3.1 IS A General Protection Fault.

Having trouble with DNS records? dig, ping and named-checkzone are great tools to debug your bind9 setup.

Debian Hint #40: Want to know how you can use a program you have never used before? "man" will be your best new friend! Type "man " in a shell. Or, run "man -H " to read the manual page in a browser.

Debian Hint #40: Want to know how you can use a program you have never used before? "man" will be your best new friend! Type "man <program-name>" in a shell. Or, run "man -H <program-name>" to read the manual page in a browser.

Debian Hint #19: If you're interested in building packages from source, you should consider installing the apt-src package.

Debian Hint #31: Disabling a normally-active service in a specific runlevel should be done by changing the S link in /etc/rc.d to a K link, rather than removing the link entirely; if all links are removed, the system will assume on the next install that they need to be replaced.

If you want to download a file from a URL via the console, you can use the command 'wget http://address/to/file.tar'

Friday, May 20, 2011

BOFH excuse #82: Yeah, yo mama dresses you funny and you need a mouse to delete files.

'etckeeper' allows you to save changes you make to /etc in a bazaar repository. Useful to track and revert changes. http://tinyurl.com/etckeeper

BOFH excuse #233: TCP/IP UDP alarm threshold is set too low.

BOFH excuse #345: Having to manually track the satellite.

BOFH excuse #89: Electromagnetic energy loss

BOFH excuse #29: It works the way the Wang did, what's the problem

BOFH excuse #135: You put the disk in upside down.

BOFH excuse #142: new guy cross-connected phone lines with ac power bus.

Today is Sweetmorn, the 68th day of Discord in the YOLD 3177

BOFH excuse #76: Unoptimized hard drive

BOFH excuse #87: Password is too complex to decrypt

BOFH excuse #2: solar flares

BOFH excuse #442: Trojan horse ran out of hay

Debian Hint #31: Disabling a normally-active service in a specific runlevel should be done by changing the S link in /etc/rc.d to a K link, rather than removing the link entirely; if all links are removed, the system will assume on the next install that they need to be replaced.

BOFH excuse #191: Just type 'mv * /dev/null'.

BOFH excuse #112: The monitor is plugged into the serial port

BOFH excuse #236: Fanout dropping voltage too much, try cutting some of those little traces

BOFH excuse #435: Internet shut down due to maintenance

BOFH excuse #239: CPU needs bearings repacked

BOFH excuse #248: Too much radiation coming from the soil.

BOFH excuse #392: It's union rules. There's nothing we can do about it. Sorry.

BOFH excuse #23: improperly oriented keyboard

BOFH excuse #376: Budget cuts forced us to sell all the power cords for the servers.

Use "tail -f /var/log/some.log" to see new lines added to a log instantly in real time. Ideal from watching webserver requests as they happen.

BOFH excuse #314: You need to upgrade your VESA local bus to a MasterCard local bus.

Thursday, May 19, 2011

BOFH excuse #165: Backbone Scoliosis

BOFH excuse #148: Insert coin for new game

BOFH excuse #303: fractal radiation jamming the backbone

BOFH excuse #193: Did you pay the new Support Fee?

BOFH excuse #302: microelectronic Riemannian curved-space fault in write-only file system

BOFH excuse #165: Backbone Scoliosis

BOFH excuse #325: Your processor does not develop enough heat.

BOFH excuse #44: bank holiday - system operating credits not recharged

Today is Setting Orange, the 67th day of Discord in the YOLD 3177

BOFH excuse #283: Lawn mower blade in your fan need sharpening

BOFH excuse #122: because Bill Gates is a Jehovah's witness and so nothing can work on St. Swithin's day.

BOFH excuse #244: Your cat tried to eat the mouse.

BOFH excuse #180: ether leak

BOFH excuse #69: knot in cables caused data stream to become twisted and kinked

BOFH excuse #97: Small animal kamikaze attack on power supplies

BOFH excuse #164: root rot

Use the 'watch' command to repeat the same command a regular interval and get helpful datetime output. 'man watch' for more details.

BOFH excuse #259: Someone's tie is caught in the printer, and if anything else gets printed, he'll be in it too.

BOFH excuse #215: High nuclear activity in your area.

Debian Hint #28: If your machine is not on all of the time (such as a laptop), check out the 'anacron' package; this will make sure that regular tasks still happen, even if the machine isn't on at the time they would normally trigger.

Debian Hint #28: If your machine is not on all of the time (such as a laptop), check out the 'anacron' package; this will make sure that regular tasks still happen, even if the machine isn't on at the time they would normally trigger.

BOFH excuse #445: Browser's cookie is corrupted -- someone's been nibbling on it.

BOFH excuse #276: U.S. Postal Service

BOFH excuse #247: Due to Federal Budget problems we have been forced to cut back on the number of users able to access the system at one time. (namely none allowed....)

BOFH excuse #121: halon system went off and killed the operators.

Debian Hint #42: If you install the command-not-found package, attempting to run a command you don't have installed will tell you what package to install to obtain that command.

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Debian Hint #42: If you install the command-not-found package, attempting to run a command you don't have installed will tell you what package to install to obtain that command.

BOFH excuse #198: Post-it Note Sludge leaked into the monitor.

Append your ssh key to your server's authorized keys file using the command 'ssh-copy-id user@server_address'

BOFH excuse #137: User was distributing pornography on server; system seized by FBI.

BOFH excuse #394: Jupiter is aligned with Mars.

A for loop in bash syntax: 'for i in * ; do echo $i ; done'.

BOFH excuse #371: Incorrectly configured static routes on the corerouters.

BOFH excuse #339: manager in the cable duct

Today is Prickle-Prickle, the 66th day of Discord in the YOLD 3177

BOFH excuse #173: Recursive traversal of loopback mount points

BOFH excuse #121: halon system went off and killed the operators.

BOFH excuse #17: fat electrons in the lines

BOFH excuse #447: According to Microsoft, it's by design

If you executed a command and neglected to use sudo, you can execute "sudo !!" to re-execute the previous command with sudo prepended.

BOFH excuse #307: emissions from GSM-phones

BOFH excuse #437: crop circles in the corn shell

You can edit your network configuration in /etc/network/interfaces and enable your changes by issuing the command sudo /etc/init.d/networking restart.

BOFH excuse #110: The rolling stones concert down the road caused a brown out

BOFH excuse #139: UBNC (user brain not connected)

BOFH excuse #332: suboptimal routing experience

Debian Hint #17: Need someone to talk to about Debian? If you're comfortable with Internet Relay Chat (IRC), just install your favorite IRC client, and join #debian on irc.debian.org.

BOFH excuse #207: We are currently trying a new concept of using a live mouse. Unfortunately, one has yet to survive being hooked up to the computer.....please bear with us.

The 'history' command will show you the commands you've used before. Alternatively you can use the up arrow button to look through them.

BOFH excuse #132: SCSI Chain overterminated

BOFH excuse #321: Scheduled global CPU outage

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

BOFH excuse #114: electro-magnetic pulses from French above ground nuke testing.

BOFH excuse #94: Internet outage

BOFH excuse #208: Your mail is being routed through Germany ... and they're censoring us.

BOFH excuse #363: Out of cards on drive D:

BOFH excuse #129: The ring needs another token

Debian Hint #38: Need a newer package than shipped with Debians last stable release but don't want to upgrade to 'testing' or 'unstable'? Some packages are kept up-to-date on volatile.debian.org, some others are made available at www.backports.org.

Debian Hint #38: Need a newer package than shipped with Debians last stable release but don't want to upgrade to 'testing' or 'unstable'? Some packages are kept up-to-date on volatile.debian.org, some others are made available at www.backports.org.

To make a backup without typing the full path twice: 'cp /long/path/to/file/name{,.orig}' to create a copy with the suffix .orig

Debian Hint #40: Want to know how you can use a program you have never used before? "man" will be your best new friend! Type "man " in a shell. Or, run "man -H " to read the manual page in a browser.

Today is Pungenday, the 65th day of Discord in the YOLD 3177

BOFH excuse #308: CD-ROM server needs recalibration

BOFH excuse #300: Digital Manipulator exceeding velocity parameters

You can use the text-based web browser w3m to browse the Internet in your console screen. e.g 'w3m http://ubuntu.com'

BOFH excuse #225: It's those computer people in X {city of world}. They keep stuffing things up.

BOFH excuse #2: solar flares

BOFH excuse #199: the curls in your keyboard cord are losing electricity.

BOFH excuse #109: The electricity substation in the car park blew up.

BOFH excuse #449: greenpeace free'd the mallocs

BOFH excuse #138: BNC (brain not connected)

BOFH excuse #21: POSIX compliance problem

BOFH excuse #445: Browser's cookie is corrupted -- someone's been nibbling on it.

BOFH excuse #236: Fanout dropping voltage too much, try cutting some of those little traces

BOFH excuse #137: User was distributing pornography on server; system seized by FBI.

BOFH excuse #146: Communications satellite used by the military for star wars.

BOFH excuse #380: Operators killed when huge stack of backup tapes fell over.

BOFH excuse #450: Terrorists crashed an airplane into the server room, have to remove /bin/laden. (rm -rf /bin/laden)

Monday, May 16, 2011

BOFH excuse #273: The cord jumped over and hit the power switch.

BOFH excuse #219: Recursivity. Call back if it happens again.

BOFH excuse #431: Borg implants are failing

BOFH excuse #8: static buildup

BOFH excuse #41: interrupt configuration error

BOFH excuse #24: network packets travelling uphill (use a carrier pigeon)

Debian Hint #17: Need someone to talk to about Debian? If you're comfortable with Internet Relay Chat (IRC), just install your favorite IRC client, and join #debian on irc.debian.org.

To restrict ssh logins to certain commands, have a look at the ForceCommand directive (see "man sshd_config").

Today is Boomtime, the 64th day of Discord in the YOLD 3177

BOFH excuse #419: Repeated reboots of the system failed to solve problem

BOFH excuse #327: The POP server is out of Coke

Debian Hint #3: You can use 'apt-cache search ' to search for words in the descriptions of all available packages.

Debian Hint #3: You can use 'apt-cache search <words>' to search for words in the descriptions of all available packages.

BOFH excuse #146: Communications satellite used by the military for star wars.

BOFH excuse #287: Telecommunications is downshifting.

Debian Hint #5: If you need to build a custom kernel, use the 'make-kpkg' script found in the kernel-package package.

BOFH excuse #307: emissions from GSM-phones

BOFH excuse #397: T-1's congested due to porn traffic to the news server.

BOFH excuse #389: /dev/clue was linked to /dev/null

BOFH excuse #314: You need to upgrade your VESA local bus to a MasterCard local bus.

Edit the command line with cut and paste: ctrl-k for cut, and ctrl-y for paste.

BOFH excuse #144: Too few computrons available.

If you need to perform a command a second time on a different file, you can use command replacement with the ^ symbol. e.g. "cp foo.txt /to/some/directory" then "^foo^bar", expanding to: "cp bar.txt /to/some/directory".

BOFH excuse #310: asynchronous inode failure

Default installations do not provide a complete version of the vim text editor. Install vim-full if vi is your preferred editor.

BOFH excuse #101: Collapsed Backbone

Sunday, May 15, 2011

BOFH excuse #290: The CPU has shifted, and become decentralized.

BOFH excuse #84: Someone is standing on the ethernet cable, causing a kink in the cable

BOFH excuse #38: secretary plugged hairdryer into UPS

BOFH excuse #389: /dev/clue was linked to /dev/null

BOFH excuse #372: Forced to support NT servers; sysadmins quit.

BOFH excuse #338: old inkjet cartridges emanate barium-based fumes

Append your ssh key to your server's authorized keys file using the command 'ssh-copy-id user@server_address'

Debian Hint #4: You can see the available and installed versions for one or more available packages with the command 'apt-cache policy '.

Debian Hint #4: You can see the available and installed versions for one or more available packages with the command 'apt-cache policy <packages>'.

BOFH excuse #352: The cables are not the same length.

Today is Sweetmorn, the 63rd day of Discord in the YOLD 3177

BOFH excuse #181: Atilla the Hub

BOFH excuse #169: broadcast packets on wrong frequency

BOFH excuse #164: root rot

Debian Hint #15: The documentation for a package can normally be found under /usr/share/doc/. In particular, the README.Debian file often has useful information about Debian-specific quirks or tips.

BOFH excuse #6: global warming

BOFH excuse #304: routing problems on the neural net

BOFH excuse #161: monitor VLF leakage

For a lightweight VPN alternative, have a look at ssh + netcat-openbsd for SOCKS proxy support.

BOFH excuse #372: Forced to support NT servers; sysadmins quit.

BOFH excuse #263: It's stuck in the Web.

BOFH excuse #261: The Usenet news is out of date

BOFH excuse #64: CPU needs recalibration

BOFH excuse #398: Data for intranet got routed through the extranet and landed on the internet.

Need a little refresh on networking concept? Take a look at the networking section of the server guide. https://help.ubuntu.com/9.10/serverguide/C/networking.html

Use "iotop" for measuring hard disk I/O (current read/write) usage per application.

Saturday, May 14, 2011

'screen' can create multiple "windows" which you can detach and re-attach later. The Byobu package makes screen even simpler. http://launchpad.net/byobu

BOFH excuse #61: not approved by the FCC

BOFH excuse #111: The salesman drove over the CPU board.

BOFH excuse #79: Look, buddy: Windows 3.1 IS A General Protection Fault.

BOFH excuse #316: Elves on strike. (Why do they call EMAG Elf Magic)

BOFH excuse #118: the router thinks its a printer.

BOFH excuse #39: terrorist activities

BOFH excuse #430: Mouse has out-of-cheese-error

BOFH excuse #424: operation failed because: there is no message for this error (#1014)

Today is Setting Orange, the 62nd day of Discord in the YOLD 3177

BOFH excuse #275: Bit rot

BOFH excuse #183: filesystem not big enough for Jumbo Kernel Patch

Debian Hint #38: Need a newer package than shipped with Debians last stable release but don't want to upgrade to 'testing' or 'unstable'? Some packages are kept up-to-date on volatile.debian.org, some others are made available at www.backports.org.

Use "tail -f /var/log/some.log" to see new lines added to a log instantly in real time. Ideal from watching webserver requests as they happen.

BOFH excuse #81: Please excuse me, I have to circuit an AC line through my head to get this database working.

Reach the end-of-line with ctrl-e and the beginning of line with ctrl-a.

Did you know that releases of Ubuntu labeled LTS are maintained for 5 years on servers? 'cat /etc/lsb-release' will tell you which release you are on.

Instead of typing the user and group, if they are the same (like for www-data) you can just type the user followed by a colon: 'sudo chown -R www-data: *'

BOFH excuse #129: The ring needs another token

BOFH excuse #143: had to use hammer to free stuck disk drive heads.

BOFH excuse #443: Zombie processes detected, machine is haunted.

BOFH excuse #194: We only support a 1200 bps connection.

BOFH excuse #377: Someone hooked the twisted pair wires into the answering machine.

BOFH excuse #316: Elves on strike. (Why do they call EMAG Elf Magic)

If you want to download a file from a URL via the console, you can use the command 'wget http://address/to/file.tar'

Friday, May 13, 2011

BOFH excuse #412: Radial Telemetry Infiltration

BOFH excuse #429: Temporal anomaly

BOFH excuse #260: We're upgrading /dev/null

BOFH excuse #287: Telecommunications is downshifting.

BOFH excuse #266: All of the packets are empty.

BOFH excuse #192: runaway cat on system.

BOFH excuse #269: Melting hard drives

BOFH excuse #328: Fiber optics caused gas main leak

Today is Prickle-Prickle, the 61st day of Discord in the YOLD 3177

BOFH excuse #203: Write-only-memory subsystem too slow for this machine. Contact your local dealer.

BOFH excuse #134: because of network lag due to too many people playing deathmatch

Debian Hint #4: You can see the available and installed versions for one or more available packages with the command 'apt-cache policy '.

Debian Hint #4: You can see the available and installed versions for one or more available packages with the command 'apt-cache policy <packages>'.

BOFH excuse #142: new guy cross-connected phone lines with ac power bus.

BOFH excuse #216: What office are you in? Oh, that one. Did you know that your building was built over the universities first nuclear research site? And wow, aren't you the lucky one, your office is right over where the core is buried!

BOFH excuse #216: What office are you in? Oh, that one. Did you know that your building was built over the universities first nuclear research site? And wow, aren't you the lucky one, your office is right over where the core is buried!

Debian Hint #17: Need someone to talk to about Debian? If you're comfortable with Internet Relay Chat (IRC), just install your favorite IRC client, and join #debian on irc.debian.org.

BOFH excuse #109: The electricity substation in the car park blew up.

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

BOFH excuse #282: High altitude condensation from U.S.A.F prototype aircraft has contaminated the primary subnet mask. Turn off your computer for 9 days to avoid damaging it.

'etckeeper' allows you to save changes you make to /etc in a bazaar repository. Useful to track and revert changes. http://tinyurl.com/etckeeper